Yesterday was as if I was saying good bye to my friends in the parking lot of the movie theatre. We just saw (500) days of Summer and I was about to embark on something I never knew.
I was heading to China, a place where I have ties, a place of heritage, a deep rooted connection that I never realized. My family has lived here for how many centuries, survived through turmoil and chaos, and then someone washed up on to a different region trying to survive.
Now it was my turn to head back against the tides to a country, like myself are often so misunderstood. It was difficult at times for me to pick myself up and get back in the speed of things. I lost faith in myself. I'm not sure why. I surrounded myself with high expectations, the mantra "what would Dad say about that" or "Mom wouldn't be happy, they wouldn't be too keen" and it all crashed down on some days especially when it was -10 F. Did I want to go outside and brave the bone chilling cold? Not really.
When I ride the subway, I hear the car speed through miles and miles of underground tunnels as if it was nothing. I hear the rhythm of the subway, clicking and clacking as it heads to its destination, the wind gushing in blowing on my sweat dripping nose. The whistling of the breaks, as if exhaling. It's my meditation almost. I feel calm. My mind is a clean slate.
Then, I read the news ticker that is broadcasted on the mobile tv (people take electronics to a whole other level) and after 5 minutes it suddenly dawned on me. You read that. You read all those words , all those characters. You understand perhaps 80% of whatever the hell is going on the world in another language. How did this come to be again? hours and hours of teachers pounding in Mandarin into my skull. My brain was apple sauce one day, fried pancakes the next, stir fried, roasted, boiled, and perhaps even sauteed.
But now my brain can function. I can for the most part function fairly decently in Chinese. It's not a night mare trying to buy a cell phone, or filling out an application form. Suddenly...you realize that literacy is powerful. I can conquer anything.
Wow, Susan! That's some empowerment right there! And I totally know how you feel, too. I mean, I may have known French going over to France, but then I got here, and I was like "I totally suck. These French people speak way too fast, I can't understand anything!" I felt so down on myself, and I felt stupid for not spacing my study abroad out a bit so that I had another semester of French solidly under my belt. But then, it dawned on me when I was listening to the radio one morning. I understood most of what they were saying. Sure, I didn't completely process the information until after the broadcast, but I understood it. And I could understand news programs, too. It's amazing! And totally empowering.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm about to do it all again. Twice. In one summer. I'm freaking out that while I'm trying to learn Korean, my French and Japanese skills will deteriorate. That while I'm in Japan, and my group is expecting to be somewhat of a tour guide, that I won't live up to their expectations; that I won't be able to communicate in the language I've been studying for four years, but haven't had much time to practice. But your post has reminded me that I can do it. Thanks, girl!!