Tuesday May 15, 2007
| I know it's pretty sad that I am eager to leave my family. I'm sure that this is normal for seniors to anticipate the emancipation of leaving the house, but it's not normal in my life apparently. I am fed up with the antics of my parents, I can't even talk to them without lighting up another argument. I mean it's only been 24 hours and I got into a huge fight with my little brother that resulted in a few censored words and physical contact (I slapped him I'm sorry! So just lay off) My parents want me to have a graduation party, but I'm a bit reluctant, because I really don't want them to invest their time into something that will result into an argument afterwards. I just want to leave my house, I really want to breathe, listen to the birds chirp in the morning without hearing them downstairs snoring, or talking, yes I have sensitive ears. I wish they would give me a little space, I have no privacy it seems. Well I don't hang out with them much, but every time that I want to be alone, something happens. My brother comes in, my dad comes in and snoops around my homework because he wants to "keep up" with my life. That's not how you do it, why can't you hang out when I have time. Then again I never have time. I make myself so fucking busy just to avoid you guys for a few hours. That's right, yearbook, newspaper, swing club, tutoring....yeah IT'S ALL TO AVOID YOU GUYS. I'm a walking contradiction, I want my parents to understand, and then I don't. ....oy. Maybe it's because I am afraid of letting my parents "know me", if I let them in with my life, they would freak out. Sometimes I wish that I could tell them about my social life, what I did, how much fun it was. I wish I could tell them that I've liked a bunch of guys in the past four years of high school, but I can't-they're not very understanding when it comes to this. If I told them that someone asked me to homecoming, they wouldn't be convinced...they wouldn't care. If I told them that the real reason why I cried the other night (some months ago) was due to getting hurt by friends or whatever reason it may be, they wouldn't have any sympathy...they would shake their heads and tell me that this never happened to them when they were in high school because they never mingled with the opposite sex and that I'm too young to understand reality. "you've never worked a single day in your life" "you've never experienced rejection, humiliation, or heartaches...what the hell do you know? you know nothing" SHUT UP DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I've been through much more than you and I wish that you would just shut your selfish, narcissistic mouth. Your such a braggart yet you claim to be humble. You always force your opinions down my throat and I'm sick of letting you push me around. Mom too. I don't want to be a doctor, or study linguistics; I don't know what the hell I'm getting into. I want to study photojournalism, travel, write, but you keep discouraging me from what I love.You continue to tell everyone that you're a "flexible, supporting parent" when most of the time you're not. I loathe the moments when you mock me and what I do. With photography for example. "all you do is press that button, that's all you do and you think that you're so important "oh LOOK at me I have a camera!! I'm just special!" Thanks Dad, I feel so pleased. Sometimes I wish that I could tell you that I've had fallen in love with my life, but you would just tell me that I'm too young to understand love. I know that I have, it's a fucking human instinct. When I had to leave Washington D.C, do you have the slightest clue as to what I felt? Maybe you did, when you left Mom for America. Though why do you have to mock my experience? Why do you have to tell the whole fucking world (china) that I just "goofed around" for a couple of days? Why do you have to criticize everything I do? So I realised something, I don't have TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE. I DON'T HAVE TO SWALLOW ALL YOUR CRITICISMS, YOUR SCOLDINGS.....because...I'm leaving in a few months...I'll be working the whole summer, I'll be hanging out with my friends, potential boyfriend from the library, swing dancing....and the moving into the dorms. It better be Kittredge or Hallett. GIVE ME SOMETHING CU ...EXCEPT FOR WILLIAMS VILLAGE. Yeah I know that were all going to Hawaii this summer....I'm looking forward to it...and at the same time; I'm not looking forward to it, because ...most likeley I'm gonna have to spend all my time with you guys...and take photos with you guys..and then send the photos via e-mail to our fucking nosy relatives that you bother with 2 hour phone calls just to show that "were happy" when WERE NOT. I'm not. YES selfish as it seems. Posted 5/15/2007 at 10:6 PM |
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