I've just inhaled cancer for the third time today. I need to stop . I don't want to turn to cancer to calm my senses. Dad and I just got into a huge fight. He turns into an alcohol fiend everytime he comes back to Lanzhou. His friend decided 'hey I'll just DRIVE 90 mph to get to the peach orchard.' Factor in no seatbelts, a Dad who has no sense of safety or cosideration for everyone, but himself and lets see whose stressed out。 To top it off my time of the month has decided to pay a visit. Fuck you Mother Nature. I'm gonna throw this cigarette away. DO I want to have black lungs? Peter is right.
"Your American standards and my Chinese standards are different." What the fuck does that mean??? I don't care. there were 8 people in his van. No seatbelts and two idiots drunk off of 75% proof liquor. I was pissed. So we got in a fight. He pushed me so I decided hey why not punch my Dad in the face. So I did. I had no other weapons. I thought punching someone square in the face was a good idea at the time. My Mom didn't think so. I should've just 'let' my Dad yell at me because 'he's always right because he's older/wiser than you.' In this case； no. He was being stupid and a jackass.
An attempted apology on my Dad's part came later, but turned sour. The fact that he blamed our behaviour on different cultural standards made me tkae back the chance to forgive him. I don't give a shit where you come from and what values youv'e been conditioned to. You don't make excuses for reckless driving. Apologize, don't do it again and learn from your fuck-ups and THEN in the FUTURE this won't have to HAPPEN.
Why do I always accomdate your behvaior? Oh it's because it's tradition to obey your elders where they are right or wrong. Things change, customs change, and one can change. Dad could have controlled his fucking drinking binge for today, his friends COULD HAVE listened to us and slowed the fuck down, but no. People have no sense of empathy here and all they do is care about themselves.
It feels like I always ahve to forgive my Dad when it's clearly not my fault, which is absolute bull. I only resort to anger when I feel like I'm being backed into a corner or when I have no other strategies to get their attention.
I should have read "non-violent communication" more thoroghly . Dad could also use a little weed to calm his anger.
