and Susan continues to remain stubborn
I am not sure as to where I pertain this certain ...negative quality
So I would like to analyze this quote from Ben once again, though in a better fashion this time (hopefully....shut up)
Ambassador3150: did you hear
Ambassador3150: marian got a date
Ambassador3150: thers hope for yuo yet
Ambassador3150: jk
Ambassador3150: jk
Ambassador3150: youl find sombody too
Alright here it goes: Ben, I do not find myself quite fond of your advice concerning my non-existent love life. The reason probably pertains to the fact that you are vexing me with these comments that are blinded by this illusion of love..which in fact has blinded your bloody face for the past several months. "I'll find somebody"- would you just take that comment and shove it up your cranium? Please just leave me alone, I don't care if I'm alone on Christmas and when others are sucking up and hitting it close near a blazing fire....pshhh
So yes I'm single...still:wow can you honestly believe that? Well I guess i can because ..this is mE!! WHOOOO
don't feel sorry for me just because I couldn't dance with anyone during that stupid homecoming dance, or feel someone's hand in my own, i hate being pitied it makes me feel like a zoo exhibit.
Fine I admit: I DO FEEL LONELY AT TIMES, even when I'm surrounded by everyone..no wait ..when I'm surrounded by loads of couples ..that is when I start to nearly gag myself to death and feel a chill on my shoulders and then in my head I hear a : hahahah loser, that's probably one of the bloody reasons why that I am not going to attend this New Year's Party, because I'll just feel like a singled out and oh when it's midnight..i won't be able to kiss anyone AHHH DISASTER IN MY LIFE GAHHHHH
Saturday will probably consist of ...sleeping through the midnight crap, omg a new year..big deal and then it's over ..and we have to adjust our lives to 2006...holy shit
and then i'll hear about all the drunken bastards who decided to simply attempt to even drive on the road back to their destinations....losers
I'm a hopeless person, so Ben..just shove it. I am really annoyed the fact that you continue to reassure me about everything when you know they are for the worst.
If your so great then find someone for me to prove that I actually exist
but then ..wait ..I don't want somoene..just buy me a baby panda and I will be content.
"i'll find somebody" ...my ass, I've already tried and..here's the results: NOTHING
EVERY TIME THAT I ...bravely ask the question I get turned down, why did i even think that I would actually have a chance with anyone...i don't and probably not any time soon or even in the future
I've realised that I continue to mortify myself when I'm confident that ..life can work..but no so screw this. That's why I'm not confident, that is also why you should avoid all the confidence boosting towards me because it isn't helpful
it just makes this idiotic illusion for me that ...life can work for me when it dosen't
I REALLY APPRECIATE the fact that you guided me towards regret when I asked Marshall out...yea thanks
"I'm so sorry" - yea fine, YOUR SORRY THAT'S FINE I DON'T CARE, because that's what I get every single time when I feel like there's a chance, when in fact: there IS NEVER A CHANCE FOR ME
LOOK AT ME
A LOSER
NOTHING
JUST A GIRL WHO RECIEVES LOADS OF "I'm SORRIES" WHEN SHE ACTUALLY TRIES AND GETS SHUT DOWN EVERY SINGLE TIME
I'm A WRECK, no wonder people have no appeal towards me
from this wreck..i'm so appalling
the most ugliest person
just...so hideous...and fat
heads don't turn, they cower in fear
(i also hung out with my little brother today, we played soccer, ate tuna with wheat thins, watched detroit rock city, enjoyed some strawberries and also caught millionare/jepoardy)
Posted 12/29/2005 at 1:43 AM
1 Comments
